This Week In Houseplants
In which I shall speak mostly about the low-light houseplant lies...
I was recently having a gentle stroll on Pinterest looking for some plant styling inspiration. I popped ‘houseplants’ in the search bar (it seemed like as good a place to start as any) and the sheer volume of ‘these plants need zero sunlight!!’ was ASTOUNDING.
Like, one or two - fine. But literally dozens.
They’re so blatantly looking for clicks that it’s bit icky.
All plants need light.
No plant can survive on zero sunlight.
I’d argue that even true low light houseplants actually need medium light. It’s a LOT darker inside than it is outside which seems a strange thing to say but it’s true! Our eyes are just really good at adjusting.
I don’t mind that people are looking for low light houseplants. I get it - that dark corner of the living room would really pop if it had a little greenery to brighten it up.
BUT
No plant will thrive in low light. Not even a ZZ plant. It’ll just survive. It’ll be like asking a human to thrive without food. Some will do better than others, but no one’s gonna thrive.
I really, really, don’t like to see Pothos relegated to low light plants. Those things are spectacular when mature and frequently get mistaken for variegated Monstera and yet remain one of those plants that people buy to stick in a window-less bathroom until it eventually perishes.
What none of these articles mention is that giving plants plenty of light is like a cheat code for plant care. They grow bigger, faster and are better at repelling pests when they’re given ample light.
Just chuck some water at them every so often and they’ll take care of themselves.
And yet Big Houseplant insists on selling us ‘low light loving’ houseplants. They’re setting us up to fail.
Are we cynical enough to think that this was their plan all along? I think we are.
It’s also important to remember that plants that truly live in lower light (like on the ground in rainforests) are the pickiest divas ever to, er, div. High humidity is a must, don’t let them get to near a draught and they will wilt if you’re three minutes late with the water.
It truly isn’t worth it. Sacrifice every window in your home to plants. You can survive with out light.* They can’t.
*I am not advising you go and live in a hole. You may go outside for your light.
I wrote this about low light plants.
I don’t think it can compete with the sheer volume of ‘Your ZZ Plant Will Just LOVE to Live In The Cupboard Under The Stairs, Harry Potter-ing Through Life’ but we can but try.
So after all that, it transpires that Pinterest is comically bad for houseplant styling ideas. The AI on there is…not good and they’re still obsessed with fiddle leaf figs like it’s 2016.
At least Pinterest AI is better than the stuff on Facebook. That place is like a hellscape, houseplant-wise (also you cannot MOVE for pictures of kitchens with 3 washing machines, mismatching cabinets and taps sprouting from every conceivable surface). I am SICK of neon blue calathea and purple Monstera. It’s a shame because I used to love houseplant content on Facebook. There were only, broadly, two types of post, which was all we needed:
Someone with no idea or inclination to know about plants with a 200 year old Hoya in perfect condition
A thrips-ravaged dead-plant-walking that the OP insists is dying of a mysterious disease and 100% does NOT have pests because bugs are gross.
That was all I needed! It was perfect. I miss it.
So where are we supposed to look for houseplant styling advice? I tried Instagram, but that seems to be full of people determined to fill every square inch of their homes with plants. I respect that, but I don’t dust enough for it to be an option. Also my rabbits are literally plant predators and that doesn’t seem fair.
Any tips welcome!
Have a great weekend!